Archive for ‘food for thought’

April 18, 2012

the pursuit of perfect-ness

by z.lynn

“We come to know love, not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ~ Sam Keen

Life can be complicated…love, even more so. complicated, most often when we make it that way. searching for ‘the one’ and either not finding him or thinking that he is ‘the one’ only to find out later that he is NOT perfect – can be frustrating. Endless pursuits towards fame and fortune often leave many feeling unfulfilled or despondent. Even life’s day-to-day hustle can wear us out. Why is that?

For me and i think a lot of people, it’s the constant ‘pursuit of perfect-ness’. Although I don’t set out to ‘be perfect’, I find myself disappointed if I don’t get ‘this’ or i don’t get ‘there’ or if I don’t do ‘this’ – ‘that way’ – RIGHT NOW. these are self-imposed, unwritten, unnecessary requirements that I’m placing on myself. because ‘THAT’ is probably something that is not in my budget [right now, anyways ;-)] or something that I can find a way to do without until I can get it or something that i really don’t need; ‘THERE’ is a place where someone ELSE is and im still on my way to and ‘THAT WAY’ is the way that someone ELSE does it.

I want to do it MY way and enjoy the peaks and valleys along the way. not to say that i don’t already do it my way and not to say that there aren’t goals that we should set for ourselves or guidelines that we should follow or that there aren’t people that we can emulate, who are where we want to be or do what we want to do and we can learn from their experience… (inhaling deeply, pausing…)

I’m just saying that I don’t want to beat myself up because I don’t blog as often as I would like … or because I let my emotions get the best of me (a lot) … or because, without MUCH manipulation, my hair doesn’t curl like hers … or because my pictures don’t turn out like my fav super-mega-star photographer … or because i cant always remember the scripture to use to enunciate the faith overflowing in my heart…or because I don’t exercise regularly… yada, yada, yada…

(Note to self: – in my Madea voice – ‘hellur… you’re not perfect…’)

there will always be someone to compare myself to or some mountainous goal to conquer…our heavenly father only expects the best that i can do. so i will do my best. and if my best isn’t where someone else is or achieves what someone else has or whatever, then SO BE IT!

as with anything, practice makes perfect. and if I regularly do the work to get to where I need to be then I will get there.

so, I must take each mountain one step at a time and stop trying to be perfect.

perfection? TBD

the best ME that I can be? I’m right here, right now!

now, let’s get to work!



November 16, 2011

Just Do It

by z.lynn

Nike catapulted this iconic phrase into the stratosphere over 23 years ago with the help of their ad agency, Wieden & Kennedy. It’s a simple phrase but can be applied to almost anything that we endeavor to do. It reminded me of a post from top photographer, Jasmine Star, on her struggles with the completion of her magazine, EXPOSED (still SUPER excited about getting muse copy in the mail!!!). She waned and doubted a bit in the process and even stopped working on it for awhile but ultimately got back up and finished it. She just DID it.

Thinking about my own life this morning and not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to make the phone calls, not wanting to cook dinner and wash clothes and clean the house yet again after grown enough people that can do it themselves. The-book, Tell Your Time by Amy Andrews, Helped me to see that these are my roles, either thrust upon me or accepted by choice. Which is so true. Another role that will be quickly added is that of Delegator, mommy needs some help! LOL

Midways through my second cup of coffee this morning, I reminded myself that no matter what happens, my success or failure is a direct result of the effort that I exert. Be it a little or be it a lot of effort. I’ve been pretty lax in the effort department, which is the easy way out. Managing your household or owning hyour own business is just that, YOURS. You (read betw the lines- “I”) get out of it what you (I) put into it and the lack of activity, in essence, can signal that you (I) do not want to succeed…for whatever reason. As the old saying goes, ‘fail to plan and you plan to fail’.

But this all starts with a choice. Choose to get up, choose to plan, choose to write, choose to stand, choose to succeed, choose to dream, choose to live.

Just do it!

Have a fabulous day!

November 7, 2011

#14 – All Things Bridal – Make your ‘maids merry

by z.lynn

while the MOH bears most of the responsibility in your wedding, the BM’s are not without accountability – at least not financially.

although it is your day, consider those that you choose to be a part of your wedding party. they must be willing and able to comply with most, if not all, of the time commitments your wedding will entail – dress/shoe shopping and sizing, helping you assemble and mail programs/favors, rehearsals not to mention setting aside an entire day for the ceremony and reception.

most importantly, they must financially bear the cost of being a BM. this timely article from ellybevents helps to shed some light on the true costs to being a BM:

help them to count the cost!


happy planning!



November 2, 2011

love…never fails??

by z.lynn

in the wake of the Kris Humphries / Kim Kardashian divorce, it saddens me to hear that they are splitting after such a short period of time. marriage is intended to be a permanent bond between to people who vow to love, honor and respect each other. true love CAN stand the test of time, through the ups and downs of life, as evidenced by this beautiful couple who died in each others’ arms after 72 years of marriage. so beautiful:

the Bible tells us that “love never fails” (1 Cor 13:8). so if the former is true, what went wrong? the ‘what went wrong’ is us. we are imperfect people and will not always do or say the right thing. as with anything, however, you get out of it whatever you put into it.

love inspires me and most other people on this planet to do whatever it is that we do in life. along that road of life, we all will come across some speed bumps and potholes and even construction delays. love is wonderful, beautiful, amazing, heartwarming, and every other word that you can use to describe it. but it does require work.

REMEMBER – the way we navigate today’s bumps determines how we will fare when tomorrows’ bumps arrive. it requires ‘stick-to-itiveness’ (didyaknow, that’s actually in the dictionary!)

will you fall down and walk away/give up or get up and try it again?

have an AMAZING day!




October 17, 2011

wishes and dreams

by z.lynn

Fauja Singh in 2007

as i’m culling through and editing my photos from a portrait shoot this weekend and wondering what in the name of pixels i’m doing – warm to cool, cool back to warm, lighter, no darker, no more contrast, less hue – the proverbial light bulb turned on and enlightened me to the fact that I don’t know what i want because i don’t know what i like and i don’t know what i like because i haven’t done it enough to figure out what i like.

i’ve had my website guy on hold for months because i don’t know what to tell him to do. yes, i know i want to do weddings, engagements, families, babies, etc. i am in love with love and all things lovely. but, what do i want my brand to say, what do i want people to come away with when they look at my work. definitely not my indecision, not my procrastination, not my disorganization. i want this so bad i can taste it, but i have to make it work. (thanks, Tim Gunn) on top of everything else that i am commissioned with, i have to find a way to put in the time to do the work to get the experience to build the business that i desire.

a 100 year old marathoner successfully completed the full-distance Toronto Race on Sunday. As the very last competitor, Fauja Singh finished the race in just over 8.5 hours. can you imagine running for 8 full hours?? can you imagine running for 8 full hours @ the age of 100??? i can’t run for 8 minutes and i’m a third of his age! he began running at age 89 and has run in several marathons since then.

his story made me teary – tearfully happy. Fauja said that it was his lifelong wish to do this. i am in awe of his determination, his endurance, his commitment, his passion. his story is just a reminder to all of us that if we believe, we can achieve. wishes and dreams are never too far off from us. it is my dream to make a career out of something that i love to do. that is my plan and i’m sticking to it. time to move forward.

dream on…

October 5, 2011

this is your life…do what you love!

by z.lynn


photo credit





September 29, 2011

#13 – All Things Bridal – Know your vocabulary!

by z.lynn

What type of fabric is this dress made in? What kind of neckline is this? What type of dress is this?

Photo courtesy of Martha Stewart via

There are many designers and many salons and many dresses, but the basics remain the same. Terminology, that is. Not to say that you must know everything there is to know about dresses. However, understanding how to communicate your desires is helpful in finding the dress of your dreams. Here are a few terms that you will want to be acquainted with:

Dress types:

Mermaid  or ‘ fit and flare’, Empire, Ballgown…


Cathedral, Fingertip, Birdcage…


Sweetheart, Halter…


Taffeta, Organza, Silk, oh my!

Check out these articles for more important terminology:

Happy Dress Shopping!


September 5, 2011

Momentary Sanity

by z.lynn

I don’t really remember how the old saying goes but it basically makes reference to how it takes a lot to make a grown man cry. Yet, tonight, I saw my dad cry for the first time ever in all of my 37 years.

In his reality, he felt undeniably certain that my husband and I were about to do him in. He thought that we had him shut up in a box or a casket yet he could get up and walk around and reach out and touch us. He said that we planned to put him in our truck and set it aflame even though I was sitting right next to him, in the truck. His mind told him that I put something in his food and drink to make him ‘see things’. This is the face of dementia.

Although, on August 6th, last month, he denied that he ever knew me, I felt that he could care for himself. Despite getting hardly no sleep each night always holding to the fear that he would climb up and fall or tumble down the set of 15+ stairs in my home, I thought he would be just fine. Even though he had fallen down and broken his wrist and elbow week before last, when tripping over a huge shopping bag that he’d placed next to him, while trying to find this invisible item on the floor, I thought I could help him. I just want to believe.

It tore at my whole heart and soul to hear him cry so loudly and inconsolably that I was sure that my neighbors 3 doors down could hear. And to know that his tears and pain were caused by the false belief that I wanted to harm him was unfathomable to me. I broke down.

I tried to reason with him the other night…why would I bring you out to my house and take care of you day and night if I wanted to hurt you? Why would I lose sleep, lose my sanity, lose my cool, lose my empathy, lose my mind…if I didn’t love you and want the best of health for you? Why would I allow you to call me out of my name when I’m trying to help you and you think that I’m doing it wrong or that I’m putting something in your medicine and food? Why would I, being the germophobic that I am, allow you to wear your only-God-knows-how-dirty-sneakers across my beige carpet? (One word – splatter. Ewww.) Why would I still keep you and care for when I knew full well that I have to clean my bathroom 2-3 times a day because your aim is waaayyy off? My sister tried reminding him that no one was trying to hurt him. But his mind told him that everyone else was wrong – but him.

None of what I’ve gone through these past few months matters. I want my dad. I need my dad. I don’t know what’s worse-me holding on to the notion that he would fully come back to me or him thinking that I would actually hurt him.

At the end of July, we had a long discussion about his mom working odd jobs and his dad working in the hospital and how much he loved his kids and grandkids and he would love to re-visit Fort Campbell, KY where he served in the Army decades ago. Some things I never even knew. Having this conversation was great because he was highly upset with me since the day before. But the kicker is that, during this conversation, he thought I was some Jamaican woman whom he had met at his old apt. When I told him my name, he looked at me like I had 10 horns on my head and said, ‘That’s my daughters’ name, too!’ I couldn’t help but shed a little tear.

I struggled with the thought of having to bathe my father, so I called my brother. Call me a wuss or whatever but seeing this other person that he has become is bad enough let alone being privy to all his ‘business’…i just couldn’t do it.

As he begged me to take him home tonight, he told me that he was sorry for all he was putting me through. I guess he figured that if he’d apologize, I wouldn’t ‘hurt’ him. I said, ‘Dad, I know, you just haven’t been yourself lately.’ I just don’t know if I can help you find yourself again.

I lost my mom to cancer in 2001, 5 months before my daughter, her first grandchild, was to be born. I feel as if I’ve lost my father too, now. He’s only fully with me in my memory. His momentary lapses in sanity make it seem like he’s a totally different person.

A friend stopped by tonight to pick up something and spent a few mins talking to me. She told me that she understands what I’m going through with my dad’s dementia because her mom has Alzheimer’s. ‘Its rough. Maybe we should arrange a play-date!’ I laughed hard and loudly. Thanks B, for the best few mins I’ve had in a while!

So while I won’t ‘see’ my father as much as I would like, I guess I will have to relish the moments when he is ‘with’ me and look forward to the time when all of our ailments will be a thing of the past.

I love you and I miss you, Dad!

Visit me at:
Have a Great Day!

Sent from my Palm Pre on AT&T

July 7, 2011

#12 – All Things Bridal – Go Green

by z.lynn

No, I’m not talking about Emerald Green, Hunter Green or even Lime Green. I’m talking Sustainable Green!

Your wedding is the perfect place to incorporate your practices and ideas that help our planet. You can also raise awareness to our earth’s problems and help others take notice of some real solutions. For your wedding day, sustainability goes beyond food, drink and wedding favors. According to, the following are a few simple ideas that you can use to create a Sustainably Green wedding:

  1. Watch the numbers No matter what other choices you make, the biggest factor in the ecological and financial impact of your wedding will be its size. The cold hard fact is that each person you invite means more miles traveled, more food consumed, a bigger venue, and more waste when it’s all over. Since this is your big day, invite as many loved ones as you want, but keep an eye on the numbers and be aware that the more the guest list grows, the harder it is to draw the line: “Well, if we’ve invited cousin Jenni then we really should invite uncle Sami…”
  2. Source locally Almost anything can be found locally, but some things are more important than others. Food and drinks are a great place to start. If there’s a good micro-brewery down the road, why use up the earth’s precious resources trucking in a keg of your favorite organic ale? For finding local food producers, check out networking sites like Local Harvest in the US, or Big Barn in the UK. And while you’re at it, take a look at our guide to the 100 mile liquid diet. Flowers are also worth sourcing locally – community gardens such as SEEDS in Durham, NC (which this TreeHugger chose for his upcoming wedding) are a good place to start.
  3. Source green Everything you buy or rent for your wedding will have an environmental and social impact, so keep this notion high on the list when planning. Can you encourage caterers to use organic produce? What is your dress made of? How was the gold in the rings mined? Did those tasty little gift bags of chocolate involve slave labor? Even if you can’t establish the green credentials of every single supplier, at least by asking questions about such issues you are already making a difference. Remember though, what is green may not always be obvious–while a hemp suit may be a good eco-statement, if it is going to sit in the closet for most of your married life, you could be much better off with a traditional rental service. Similarly, party rentals for things like linens and glasses are a classic example of a product service system–something we are very keen on here at TreeHugger. They provide the perfect means for getting the most use out of minimal resources. And don’t forget your local thrift store–ball jars make excellent vases and a pre-loved wedding dress can get you a classic look at a fraction of the price.
  4. Pick your venue Choosing a location that is as close to as many of your guests as possible will reduce your wedding’s impact in a big way. But once you’ve done that, you might also want to consider what type of venue you will be using. If you are not tied to a particular church, synagogue, mosque, or rammed-earth eco-dome, why not consider supporting your local community garden, farmer, LEED certified building, or other worthwhile project? This TreeHugger and his soon to be treehugging wife will be tying the knot at Celebrity Dairy, a local low-impact dairy farm in North Carolina that, conveniently, does excellent green-minded catering. Not only will your wedding serve as a useful source of revenue for the chosen local hosts, it can also raise awareness of their work and send a strongly personal message about the issues that you and your partner care about.
  5. Green your transportation So, you’ve picked the venue, now how will you and your guests get there? Try to provide as much information on transport options as possible. Let them know that you’d really appreciate it if they arrived by train, bus, bike, or at least by carpool. You could even include a link to travel guides like Seat61 in the invitations. If you are a little ways out of town, why not provide shuttle buses–that way you don’t have to worry about drunk driving either. It may also be a good time to educate your guests about alternative fuels: “what do you mean this bus is running on used veggie oil?” And while your own transport is likely to be a small part of the overall footprint, it certainly sends a big message. Pictures of the happy couple arriving on a Christiania Bike or G-Wiz electric car will preserve the eco-propaganda value of your wedding for some time to come.
  6. Make it personal While you’ve definitely got to throw a good party, it doesn’t need to feel like ancient Rome (or the Playboy mansion). What you lack in material decadence, you can make up for in personal touches. Why not ask friends to grow and bring flowers? You’ll end up with the most fabulous flower (un)arrangements ever seen, and your guests will appreciate being involved. Or why not create a scrap book to which friends and relatives can add poems, drawings, pictures, or anecdotes. These are the things that most folks remember most fondly–not the chocolate fountain or the cut-glass chandeliers.
  7. The perfect eco-invites An invitation sets the scene for a party, so you don’t want to look cheap or tacky, but you also don’t want to compromise your principles. Fortunately, there is an increasing number of suppliers of recycled, handmade, or tree-free invitations out there–check the bottom of this guide for a list of suppliers. Some may offer a self-assembly option, which saves on money but can take considerable work, others will put the whole thing together for you. If you are happy breaking from tradition, then electronic invites like Evites are worth considering, too.
  8. Gifts of conscience There are almost too many retailers of green gifts to mention these days, and many offer registry services. So why not ask for that solar cooker you’ve always wanted? Popular eco-choices for gift registries include Viva Terra, Branch, and Gaiam. Many local craft stores may also do registries, and even mainstream retailers now have many eco-options, such as organic linens, etc. Remember though, less is almost always more when it comes to being green–so think carefully about how many bamboo yoga mats you really want or need. If you have all you need, why not create an online donation registry to a worthy cause instead?
  9. Offsetting the rest To be truly green, make every effort to cut emissions, waste, and other negative impacts of your wedding at the source. However, the thing is still likely to create a significant impact. Offsetting can be a means of taking responsibility for that impact and channeling funds into some positive projects–as long as you pick your offset provider carefully. Popular choices include Terrapass, Native Energy, and MyClimate in the US, and Climate Care in Europe. Native Energy even has an online wedding offset calculator. If you can’t afford offsets for the whole wedding, then why not offset a portion and ask guests to contribute to the rest? You can at least include information on offset providers on the invites so guests can choose whether to offset their travel. Be aware though, that some see offsetting as fundamentally flawed, no matter which provider you choose–so make sure it fits with your version of what’s green.
  10. Communicate Whatever you do to green your wedding, make sure you tell people about it. Screening An Inconvenient Truth during the ceremony is probably over the top, but you can still take advantage of having your friends and family gathered in one place to do a little friendly education. Tell them about yourselves and about what is important to you. If you can create a wonderful, magical celebration that treads a little lighter on the planet, then people will remember it. Too many folks still believe environmentalism is all doom and gloom–this is the perfect opportunity to prove them wrong!

Think about it. If we all just change one thing that we are doing now, it will make a difference.

Go Green!

‘Til next time,



July 6, 2011

#11 – All Things Bridal – Fascinate Them

by z.lynn

Your wedding is one very important day where you want to sparkle and shine. And why not, since you are truly the center of attention.

Some brides have opted to wear a fascinator instead of a traditional veil. A fascinator is a head covering worn on formal occasions, as was prevalent during the Royal Wedding of Will and Kate. The fascinator can take the form of a traditional hat covering most of the head or it can be a simple clip or comb with a floral or feather theme. Some brides have even chosen to include a birdcage veil which covers the face or just the eyes as a nod, of sorts, to the traditional veil.

Whatever you choose to do, make sure you FASCINATE them!

Until next time,